M&M Duels

Whenever I get a package of plain M&Ms, I make it my duty to continue the strength and robustness of the candy as a species. To this end, I hold M&M duels.

Taking two candies between my thumb and forefinger, I apply pressure, squeezing them together until one of them cracks and splinters. That is the "loser," and I eat the inferior one immediately. The winner gets to go another round.

I have found that, in general, the brown and red M&Ms are tougher, and the newer blue ones are genetically inferior. I have hypothesized that the blue M&Ms as a race cannot survive long in the intense theatre of competition that is the modern candy and snack-food world.

Occasionally I will get a mutation, a candy that is misshapen, or pointier, or flatter than the rest. Almost invariably this proves to be a weakness, but on very rare occasions it gives the candy extra strength. In this way, the species continues to adapt to its environment.

When I reach the end of the pack, I am left with one M&M, the strongest of the herd. Since it would make no sense to eat this one as well, I pack it neatly in an envelope and send it to M&M Mars, A Division of Mars, Inc., Hackettstown, NJ 17840-1503 U.S.A., along with a 3x5 card reading, "Please use this M&M for breeding purposes."

This week they wrote back to thank me, and sent me a coupon for a free 1/2 pound bag of plain M&Ms. I consider this "grant money." I have set aside the weekend for a grand tournament. From a field of hundreds, we will discover the True Champion.

There can be only one.

Biology in a nutshell, can I also just add: I love this guy, he's made my day.

Hello Foreigner,

At times the world fits, and all is rationale. Then a hurricane of irrational dickheaded-ness leaves you amidst the colossal waste that is the human mind, think a little deeper and poof all meaning or rationale is lost.

Recently I have been accused of being a bit too “foreign”, I am not sure if I was foreign to the beliefs and ideologies of a whole nation or just the persons own beliefs and ideologies. Perhaps it was both, I tend to be wrong in more than way… or in this case “foreign”. I didn’t know nations had beliefs and ideologies, sand and forests don’t care about culture, so why do we tie our minds to a patch of earth we happen to be born on. I believe we are approaching an era where believe it or not, our thoughts are attached to our central nervous system- Oh god forbid.

Clinging to certain ideologies is understandable in an old world confined to its four walls, in this day an age however the walls are expanding and merging within one another. This is not the time to cling and defend old beliefs, rather its time to explore and improve on the existing, it is a time to start thinking beyond the confinement of our four walled boxes.

Do not attack the “foreign” I would rather have you question it.

At a time when the world needs someone to save it, hollywood obliges, dont know what Im talking about I suggest we review the movie releases of the past year:












The list is endless with more movies scheduled to be released, in 2011, 2012 and 2013 such as:

• Luke Cage (2011)
• Billy Batson and the Legend of Shazam (2012)
• Superman - Man of Steel (2012)
• Venom (2012)
• X-Men Origins - Wolverine 2 (2012)
• The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
• Flash Gordon (2012)
• Justice League - Mortal (2013)
• The Flash (2013)
• Iron Man 3 (2013)
• Teen Titans (2013)
• Runaways (2013)
• Lobo (2013)
• Silver Surfer (2014)
• Nick Fury (2014)
• Ant-Man (2014)
• Deadpool (2014)
• Sub-Mariner (2014)
• Wonder Woman (2015)

The psychology of this is interesting, go hollywood with your study of the masses and such. Feeding off human misery to create false hope in the form of flying/mutated/extraordinary men that will roll in the money. My favourite one is captain america "America, where heroes are made." guess the rest of the world is up for grabs then. Sorry Benazir Butto, Ghandi, Salah Al Deen heroes are only made in America.

Or perhaps this will inspire the few of us who still have anything left to be "inspired".

Like you fuck everything else up. Boo you.

By Andrew Salgado

These city lights, theyre not only blinding but a hazard. You can help but have your gaze lifted towards their flashing splendour, and trip over your thoughts and dreams. They demand attention, so your head is in the clouds. These city lights, they teach you to look up, to find the lights and the stars in the heavens.

America, land of the brave, free.. and hopeless.

Indeed, what?

I keep things, its what I do. Like broken pieces of myself, a bit of disaster dust, I keep some of that too. A little note saying “Hello” I’d keep that. That piece of candy you gave me.. a word you gave me, promises I make.. I keep all those things. Trash just piling up, most of those things will be lost in some emotional hurricane, or a real hurricane that will show us god.

Sometimes, I even keep pieces of other people, I love them too much to let them go. Again, trash.