I want LSD.

LSD, you know Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds AKA Lysergic Acid Diethylamide. Has any one ever wanted a hallucinogenic purely because everything around them was boring to the point that you need drugs to stimulate your limbic system and over excite your dopaminergic neurons just so you can feel something slightly different and exciting.

And then a question presented itself in my mind: Is this how people get into drugs? Because they got really impossibly bored with their own lives? I wonder.
Sad times for humanity.

I was bored not because I had nothing to do, I had plenty to do, but nothing stimulated my interest any more. I had drawn a blank. Everything just seems so blah and tiresome- Anyway back to the point, so drugees of the world? Were you all just bored?

Hmmmm, maybe someday they will find a gene that says you predispositioned to be a drugee. What? There is a god gene or have you not heard? Keep up with your science.

Ahhh! To be young and stupidly, ridiculously, helplessly in love, or confused, whichever,

Has anyone noticed that all the Disney princess find their princes when they were 16, honestly they were all 16.

I guess our ship has sailed, ey?

I guess its that “we believe in everything pure” age, isn’t it? Kind of? Its that age where your in the inbetween, when your halfway grown up but not quite, when you still see the best in everything without having to try. It’s the age when your holding on to the last scraps of truth you think you have, you believe in love most importantly you believe that love can in fact conquer all, and with that believe you conquer all. All it really takes is this unwavering resilient belief in the devine and then everything else follows, or you will force it to follow with pure belief.

Those 16 year olds don’t really think about the future, they don’t think love will fail them, their not really afraid of getting hurt cause they’ve never really experienced heart break. Whats money, financial security, family issues? Its a lot to us but not much to them, they’ve never been poor or close to poor.

Stupid 16 year-olds and their stupid strong spirited uncrushed nature. Having lasting love lives, well most of you anyway…

I swear I have like 3 friends that I can remember off the top of my head that met their better half around the age of 16, and guess what, were all 20 now and they are still together MASHALLAH.

Maybe we should start thinking like foolish 16 year olds? Just a thought.

Oh yes, and a very happy new year to everyone.

Darkness,

In the darkness of my own exile I whispered, as if writing a letter in my head, a letter to no one really. Dear darkness, the words come out jagged, I have a confession to make, the words are fearless and defiant, all those times I pushed you away and kept you at the edge of my world I never realized how much of a friend you really were and I do apologize, the words come out apologetic.

Dear darkness, I want you to know, when I am scared I try to find you within myself and I take refugee like a coward.

You have encouraged my cowardice.

Now I just run, I run to you. I self-destruct just so I can be enveloped by, so I can become you.

Dear darkness, I have made you my saviour, and I shall repent all my sins and hide where the righteous cant find me and the light wont burn me.

Dear darkness, I always end up here, at this point in time, every time, running circles and triangles and squares around the same bare dark area I always come back to, at this point in time, every time, until time makes no sense anymore.

And everything I’ve ever done makes no sense, but its ok, the darkness makes sense.

Days.

195 days of you.

195 days of me.

195 days of us.

195 days of nothingness.

It feels like a fairy tale, it looks like a fairy tale.

It walks, talks, dances like a fairy tale.

Doesnt make it a fairy tale- Makes it a chicken.

Why do I dream of you?

Sometimes I think Im dreaming, and nothing is real. Like everything is just a shadow, and everything I see is just a figment of my subconscious mind, it moves so terribly fast and before you know it its all gone, a storm of colors and sounds knocking you off your feet or disorienting you so you dont know whats what or whose who or even who your meant to be, let alone who everyone else is and how they relate to you. Its just confusing, so much so that I find myself just wanting to detach because I dont feel like dealing with it.

Time for another post.

*waves* hello everyone! Or no one! Which seems to be the case most days... *sigh* oh vell!

So I am back at uni- happiness! I know such a nerd right? Dont hold it against me, Im cool too. Been running around from lectures to labs to the DR (Dissection room- I like saying DR cause it sounds so bloody cool!) its been hectic, but nice hectic like I can never get a chance to dwell on the emotional emptiness, the sucky part and all like the lost bullshit in between. I like that kind of hectic, I suppose its unhealthy? Drowning yourself in everything and nothing at the same time, but then most things are unhealthy, so whatever. Wait till next week, then I really wont have ANY time! Im gonna start gyming! Woooooo! Healthy-ness! Haha! And Im going to take up so volunteer work, and gonna start going through the process of getting my drivers license! Well thats the plan anyway, if I get lazy.... Well, I will disappoint myself then.

So what have I been up to these past few weeks? LETS SEE.

There was the whole traveling around thingy during the summer, but to be fair it was only a month, with the family, it was boring in a nice way until it became annoying in a not so nice way, that ended around mid august, thankfully. Then I was back in good old Riyadh, saw some people, avoided other people, the usual really, ramadan came and went with all its graceful glory! Good times. Then september rolled in, and before I knew it me and my brother were on a plane back to Eggland and a train back to Sheff-town! And here I am on my bed on a friday night with tissues everywhere because I have a flu! FRESHERS FLU! Well.. okay, maybe not freshers flu cause its already mid-oct, INNIT!? Lol. Some chavyness is exactly what this post was missing!

I've got some errands to run, gotta buy some stuff for the apt (glasses.. etc), canvas, a bong for Robert, a little one! Headphones for Alson annnnnnnddddd gotta slap some sense into a certain boy :D!

That is all for now, please keep refreshing for further updates, or not. Your choice Habibi! ;p

Away without the words,

There are some things I'd like to say,

Because you see, these words are wasting away,

In the night I stay awake, with thoughts of you all gone astray,

And these words... Their still wasting away as I think of you.

They say,

"Roses are red,

violets are blue."

Stupid love poems, they just wont do... Not for you.