Days.

195 days of you.

195 days of me.

195 days of us.

195 days of nothingness.

It feels like a fairy tale, it looks like a fairy tale.

It walks, talks, dances like a fairy tale.

Doesnt make it a fairy tale- Makes it a chicken.

Theres something in his manner, a beautiful truth I cant find, hidden behind colourful masks and masquerades... he stands with his broken wings and his helpless smile, as if its a mistake he's done before but cant help but fall into again and again. Such sinful beauty he finds in her eyes, again and again, falling into this mistake, until darkness prevails where the light of her eyes die, they should have stretched on to eternity but eternity ended where they ended. 

Everything fades away into all these shades of chaos- even the light in her eyes. 

So heres our hero where we left him, broken wings on the cold wet ground of reality, broken and helplessly smiling.. What do you do when everything within you is slowly falling apart, either rusting away or slowly breaking and degenerating away into nothingness? 

Theres something in his manner, in his helpless smile, as if he lives to crash, hes self-destructing. 

Theres something in his manner, as if he knows truth will not lead him astray and love will never fail him.. 

Theres something in his manner, as if he knows nothing but is willing to take a chance on faith

To the dearly confused,

All these questions where to go, what to do.. who to be lingering in the background of your life. Go on dear child, find your place in the world, amongst the faint of heart, the strong willed and all the lost souls in between. How are we to know our place if we can not even figure out who we are? So many question and self doubt when you cant decide wither your life even matters that much to yourself or the rest of the world. 

 To all those dear lost souls out there: Heres a bit of  advice from someone whose been kicked around often enough to know how it feels like to hit rock bottom with no way out. 

1- Forget who you are right now, and ask yourself, who do you want to be? What kind of person do you want to be? Close your eyes and picture that improved dream-like version of yourself. Now hang on to that picture. 

2- What do you want to do? Dont think about this one too much, whats the first thing that came into your head?  - Thats it, thats your answer. 

3- How badly do you want it? 

4- Make your decision and stick to it- No matter what! 

5- Whenever you feel you've lost hope- imagine that person you want to be.. 

I know this will seem a bit too... happy go luck, inspirational and in general very fairy tale like. But seriously, it does work. 

Person A and Person B:

Person A and person B are really good friends.
Person A develops a love interest in person B.
Person B is not interested.
Person A is rejected and crushed.
Person B feels guilty and is also crushed.
Person A and B have a falling out.
Person A and B fall in again.
Person A and B are friends again.
Person A and B become really good friends like they once were.
Person A and B meet persons C, D, E and F.
Person A becomes really good friends with them almost instantly.
Person B doesnt really like new people and needs time to feel comfortable.
Because person A becomes really good friends instantly and person B still keeps its distance persons C, D, E and F think person B doesnt like them.
Person A develops a love interest in person E.
Person A hooks up with person E.
Person A is distracted by this new found love thingy or whatever the hell it is.
Person B feels ignored by group.
Person B spends less and less time with group, cause their all couply.
Person B finds other people to hang out with and finds a good friend with person X.
Person B figures if person A missed it, it would come find it.
Person X agrees that person B should just let person A be.
Person A never comes to find person B.
Person X tells person B that it doesnt matter.
Person B is upset but understands person As situation.
Person A talks behind person Bs back, saying that person B is being antisocial and has problems.
Person A keeps talking about person Bs back, and is now saying person B is jealous of Person E.
Person A says that person B is an emotional retard.
Person B knows nothing.
Person B is still spending minimal time with person A and co because person B feels a bit weird around them.
Person B finds out.
Person B is pissed off.
Person A comes looking for person B one day when E and co are not around.
Person B tells Person A to fuck off.
Person A and B have a fight.
Person A apologizes.
Person B knows person A is just saying it and doesnt accept the apology.
Person B tells person A to fuck off yet again and walks off.

Conclusion:
Person X is hot.
Person A cant keep it in their pants.
And person B... well, doesnt care.

Taboo?

I was meant to make a survey on the dating “scene” in my beloved flawed country Saudi, but seeing as my last post only got 3 people thinking, I decided to ask some people I actually knew what they thought about it. I got some interesting reactions, most are confused, like myself.

What is considered appropriate these days? I mean our generation doesnt resemble our parents, just like our parents generation didnt resemble their parents. I do believe we have evolved socially and in some ways deteriorated, or are approaching a dangerous level of shall we say “open-ness” the red line has to be drawn somewhere, I totally agree but it seems the red line hasnt been drawn with permanent ink, every generation erases the red line and places it where that generation thinks is appropriate. It seems that someday, there isnt going to be a red line anymore. 

What is the right thing to do these days? If there is such a thing! I've asked a couple of people and it seems the majority seems to think its okay this by itself took me by total surprise I was raised to think that it was evil itself! Everyone however had a certain criteria to what would make it ok, for one  it depended on the people involved, their age, everyone agreed that kids (ages 13 – 16) was totally unacceptable but more importantly it relied on their intentions. Are you looking for a serious relationship,one that will lead to marriage and the whole family thing? Or do you simply need someone in your life that cares about you and loves you, someone you could call your own? Or are you just a bored guy/girl messing around? 

To those who are looking for a serious relationship, think about the odds. Is there a chance that you might think of spending the rest of your life with this person, and more importantly would your parents approve of him or his parents approve of you? Because lets face it, your not going to elope and he sure as hell wont elope for you. I can understand why you would want to know the person you marry before you actually do marry them, but isnt that what the “khotba” period is for? But then again, khotba puts too much pressure and theres always that question lurking in the back of your head, what if no one else comes along? 

I've seen my parents, and their marriage isnt happy, ive seen other peoples parents too, they dont seem to be that ecstatic either, I know people who have gotten divorced after 1 year of  marriage, after 16 years of marriage, even the people who stay together do it for all the wrong reason. 

So, you see why most of todays youth want to take matters into their own hands, whether that is a good idea or not we cant tell that at the present time. 

Although one can look at the western culture, they encourage  young love, and the freedom to love whoever you want, or not. But that doesn't seem to have worked either, with high divorce rates and lots of teenage mothers... 

I think, the best thing to do is try to find some common ground between the two cultures, draw a red line with permanent ink. And dont be a hypocrite about it. 

What if?

She smiles at him, it’s a soft shy smile “Where’s your heart boy?”
He lifts an eyebrow and grins “why, you should know.”
She gives him a smile that melts his heart away “I should?”

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He’s five, he’s gazing up at the sky in wonder, what is up there? Does the sky end? He’s five and he wants to know things. He’s five and he wants to know everything.
He’s 30 and still he knows nothing.

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She’s lying on her bed, she is turning 19 soon, she types away on her pink laptop, she likes the pink laptop.
She types and types, and she loves her words, they are a part of her. She writes and writes… until the words lose their meaning and fade away, until she is exhausted by thought and is taken away by sleep into a land of dreams.

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There’s a bottle broken on his arm, blood is pouring out, red warm blood pouring down, flowing down his arm in a somewhat soothing way. Tears streaming down his face, he deserves it. He is 17 and he deserves it.
Screaming comes from their room, he knows what will happen next. He tried to stop it… he tried. More screaming, he runs, runs, and runs. Blood stains on his jeans, on his shirt… on his life, his worthless life.

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What if we could see glimpses of others lives? What if we could see how much they suffered, loved, hated, achieved…
What if we could not only see but feel. What if our lives were interwind? What if we were all connected? What if we could share our life?

Maybe then we’d act a little more human. Maybe then we’d understand what it is were meant to do or who were meant to be. Maybe by seeing these little glimpses of reality falling apart or together we’d finally be able to understand our own short comings.
… What if eh?