I promise to blog more and so on,

For now, heres a good song for you and some rambles:); I started writing a new post on my phone, then I lost said phone on the underground- this seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life... underground/losing phones. Silly Rawan, very silly.

Anyway, since I dont have a phone and subsequently no post for you.. I cant even seem to remember what it was that I wanted to blab about. Inspiration just hit! And I scribbled it all down.. it pains me to think how many times inspiration has hit that phone, serves me right for being too lazy to back up! Apparently the guy who stole my phone has been talking to all my friends, the ones with vajayjays anyway and has MY picture as his dp *CRINGE*

I highly doubt anyone reads this thing anymore though. Anyway stay tuned I should be posting something up soon, Im thinking of starting a "the muslim students guide to University" what say you?

(Click on the word "song" should take you to the youtube video)

Indeed, what?

Remember...

When I use to get comments?
... Good times.

Days.

195 days of you.

195 days of me.

195 days of us.

195 days of nothingness.

It feels like a fairy tale, it looks like a fairy tale.

It walks, talks, dances like a fairy tale.

Doesnt make it a fairy tale- Makes it a chicken.

More ridiculous bullshit, from even more retarded folk.

CAUTION: Very dark post, in an even darker mood.

- I must have a sign that says "Go ahead, walk all over me." I mean some people and their crap, always throwing it your way, you know. How they never call unless they want something or they put you on "limited profile" on facebook, or they remove you all together I mean- LAME! or hell they never so much as say hello for 3 months! When you use to spend all day with them! JUST BECAUSE IM A NICE PERSON IT DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN USE AND THROW AWAY WHENEVER YOU FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT! - End rant.

-I dont trust people who throw around the word "I love you" do you? I dont know, sounds like fake emotions to me. Pfft love, its a state of mind you throw yourself into willingly, kinda like getting high, at least when you sober up you can tell reality from illusion and when your being mind fucked, however willingly.


- If the greater good voted for love id vote for hate, fuck the greater good who are they to judge what is good. What if the greater good was to kill a bunch of orphans, their such a burden anyway, what if the "greater good" was just to get rid of them all. Save some money, some food, shit loads of whining and messed up adults. Does the greater "good" then become "evil"? Conclusion: We are the greater good therefore we are evil. Every man to himself right? How bout every 1000 or so selfish human beings to themselves, the orphans are fucked.

Confessions of an insomniac.

- Im still bitter and I hate them all. Fuck forgiveness and good grace and being the fucking better person. I HATE THEM. There I said it: I hate their fucking guts and I dont even bloody care if they all just DIE suddenly. A7SAN.

- Im dreading next year cause I think I'll fail. 

- You know when I told you I loved you, I think I was slightly delusional. I dont know why I said it- Plead temporary insanity. 

- I ate your last cookie when you werent looking.

- I hate your fucking guts.

- I say I dont care, I say it all the time. I say it to myself, to the walls, to the sky, I say I dont care I scream it to myself and to the world: I DONT CARE. In the hope that repeating the statement will make it true.

- I want to keep you forever. 

- For once Im afraid of showing someone who I am, Im afraid they wont like it and that I'll lose them.

- Some days I want to cry and I dont even know why.

- Today you touched my arm and I swear I recoiled with actual fear for no reason at all.

- I hate summer vacations.

Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttt.

- Some people are such IDIOTS, why do I even bother with you? 

He makes me smile like an idiot.

Reporting from the capital of Saudi Arabia, Riyadh. Yes- I'm back in town, rejoice. Its been so good so far, 'cept for the lack of sleep and me turning into a borderline insomniac which is something that always seems to happen when Im back here, this time round its been better though. I wonder why... but who knows it might get worse and it usually does, such a pessimist, eh? Haha. 

I've taken up running recently, I like it a lot. Makes me feel better. I keep thinking about my exam results, kinda stressing out, like I know I wont fail for sure but I hope I dont loose my scholarship so I need to get a high percentage.. Oh well. 

This summers been good so far, Im happy with its progression, hehe. Hope it doesnt go downhill from here though. 

Some things have been made clear to me recently, things are starting to make sense, kinda makes things better in some really messed up way. I suppose its human nature to seek explanation, and now that I have it I feel like I can move on. But boy was I a ticking time bomb waiting to just explode in everyones face... Sigh. 

Person A and Person B:

Person A and person B are really good friends.
Person A develops a love interest in person B.
Person B is not interested.
Person A is rejected and crushed.
Person B feels guilty and is also crushed.
Person A and B have a falling out.
Person A and B fall in again.
Person A and B are friends again.
Person A and B become really good friends like they once were.
Person A and B meet persons C, D, E and F.
Person A becomes really good friends with them almost instantly.
Person B doesnt really like new people and needs time to feel comfortable.
Because person A becomes really good friends instantly and person B still keeps its distance persons C, D, E and F think person B doesnt like them.
Person A develops a love interest in person E.
Person A hooks up with person E.
Person A is distracted by this new found love thingy or whatever the hell it is.
Person B feels ignored by group.
Person B spends less and less time with group, cause their all couply.
Person B finds other people to hang out with and finds a good friend with person X.
Person B figures if person A missed it, it would come find it.
Person X agrees that person B should just let person A be.
Person A never comes to find person B.
Person X tells person B that it doesnt matter.
Person B is upset but understands person As situation.
Person A talks behind person Bs back, saying that person B is being antisocial and has problems.
Person A keeps talking about person Bs back, and is now saying person B is jealous of Person E.
Person A says that person B is an emotional retard.
Person B knows nothing.
Person B is still spending minimal time with person A and co because person B feels a bit weird around them.
Person B finds out.
Person B is pissed off.
Person A comes looking for person B one day when E and co are not around.
Person B tells Person A to fuck off.
Person A and B have a fight.
Person A apologizes.
Person B knows person A is just saying it and doesnt accept the apology.
Person B tells person A to fuck off yet again and walks off.

Conclusion:
Person X is hot.
Person A cant keep it in their pants.
And person B... well, doesnt care.

So, its 7am, in the morning and I am absolutely wide awake. I tried sleeping, once, twice, three times by the forth time I just gave up on it made myself some DECAF coffee, I know what a traitor right? I mean, decaf shouldnt even be called coffee. 

So I made my fake coffee and sat down on my lovely little MAC comp and decided to actually do some work, I've been avoiding work for some time now, bad bad student, I know. I just didnt feel like it, and anyway, I'll be back in good ol' uni after easter and there will be no running from finals, nope. I am dreading finals, I cant do worse than last time, so whatever. 

I have 3 lectures left of one of my modules, I'm 2 weeks behind on another two modules and I'm done with one. Not bad considering all the slacking I've been doing, I'm just not stressing myself this term like I did last term, if I feel like studying I study, if I dont, then the hell with it, I dont study. 

... And I am blabbering on. Maybe I should go for a run or something, I dont know. 

All in all the day has just begun, screw sleep, who needs that fucker anyway. 

Yours truly,

Border line insomniac. 

x

The drugee hypothesis.

Yes, the “drugee” hypothesis. This may be my first real scientific observation ive made as a scientist well science student actually, hmmm… I didn’t think of it that way, makes this so much more fun.
A hypothesis refers to an explanation made from a general observation, and well, it’s a way cooler word than “theory”. The drugee hypothesis states that “every individual has a recreational activity/substance or a combination of both to which he or she are addicted to, the recreational activity/substance would be one that gives the individual a sense of happiness, or peace of mind. “
You are a drugee, yes, YOU. Of course the addictiveness of certain substances varies, none the less it is no less of an addiction. We all have our little drugs, those little things that get us through the day giving you a however brief sense of euphoria, that little piece of chocolate, that cup of coffee, that boy you flirt with, that high you get after a good work out.

Those are all just chemicals running through your blood, inducing that happy place in your brain. Endorphins, serotonin, adrenaline… their all stimulated for release from a certain stimulus in the environment, so you keep going back to those same activities/substances that make you happy by release of these “natural drugs” . That makes you a drugee. The actual drugs for instance let’s take cocaine, they stimulated more neurotransmitter release (endorphins, serotonin…) and a faster reuptake rate, and so they keep stimulating your neurons (sounds dirty). The way drugs act on the brain was actually the reason scientist found these “natural drugs” they assumed the existence of opiate receptors in the brain which drugs like heroine acted upon- don’t you ever say no good thing can come out of bad things.

So, what is your drug of choice?

Oh ho ho hoe.. hoe! Omg! HOE.

- Haha, I was thinking that in my head it sounded funny. HOE. LOL!

- Faaaaaat. FAT. I'm like a big blob of FAT walking around, ew. It makes me feel ugly, me no likey.

- Supernatural has TAKEN over my LIFE. I love dean, dean is awesome. Dean is also a hottie.

- What do I do with you lover boy?

- Lies, lies, liessss... Addictive lies.

- The weather has been lovely, so sunny and beautiful.

- Sleep, food, work, supernatural, food, supernatural, work, supernatural, sleep.

- I dont get you.

- Do I like you? I dont think so.

- Lonely. Im miss lonely. And you cant save me from my loneliness.

- One day, I will be the person I want to be. I wont be lazy, I wont be fat, I will do amazingly well in school, I wont want to be someone else, I wont have ridiculous mood swings, I wont trip on flat surfaces and be laughed at, one day I will be my version of perfect.

- *sigh*

- I still dont get you.

- NO NINE AM LECTURES, REJOICE!

- bye.

Sure its all rainbows, sunshine and whatever the fuck this happy high has got you on.

What?
WHAT?

Did you have to write it in bold?
Did you have to say it out loud?
Did you have to.. make it real?

Leave me hidding behind the colours of my books and my dreams.

Did you have to write it in bold?
Did you have to say it out loud?
Did you have to... kill my dreams?

"Tell me that you want to dance,
I want to feel your pulse on mine,
You treat me like a stolen glance..
To yourself." ~ The Golden Floor - Snow Patrol

... So, take me to the Golden Floor?

Imperfect perfection

I was drawing something, and I drew it too neatly, which made it look horrible! Nature is messy. Imperfect. Which actually makes it perfect and beautiful.

So,
Maybe we're not meant to be perfect..

Mmm, just wanted to share the random crazy-ness.
x

Here and there.. pretty much everywhere really!

So yeah! Exams are over and done with! good stuff, good stuff!! These past two weeks have been sort of stressful, all nighters and what not, that one physiology exam got me all crazy I couldnt sleep all night was just lying in bed, revising in my head it was driving me mad! I didnt even do very well on that exam!
One thing I've learned from exams is to trust your first instinct, never question your first impression of something or someone! Always go with it, cause its the right one, honestly! It was crazy cause like all my exams are multiple questions, so I read it once, read the answers than go like, yeah! Its B! ... No, wait, it could be D.... or A for that matter... and then I'm just like "Bloody fucking hell, whaT?!" And then, I find out it was actually B!
I'm pretty sure theres a scientific explanation for this! And when I learn it, I will be sure to post about it, not that anyone would care but myself really. All those long nights of revision have taken a tool on me! I keep turning medical biological info into funny/perverted things! Its quite amusing really, me and my friends were discussing Viagra and its effects in the library, we were quite loud, so we got these weird looks, we werent on the medics and science floor, so that must have been it, haha!

Tonight we went out, usualy I dont like going out to bars and whatever, its just not my thing, I stand there feeling just awkward and out of place! But I really wanted to unwind and have a bit of fun, and since all my good friends were going, and they all knew I didnt drink it was kinda okay? Yeah well anyway, I had a good time laughing and doing some stupid things! Got some virgin drinks, some chocolaty thingy which tasted amazzzziiingggg!!!!! Got a bit of a sugar high after that! Good times! Ahhh!!

Tomorrow I will be going to london for a few days, since my second semester doesnt start until the 9th of feb. I am in need of some serious retail therapy! Honestlyyyyy!! I am going to go shopping, and be a tourist! AND JUST CHILL GODDAMIT!
Life is good, good friends, good times!

Greetings, fellow... erm, earthlings.

So yeah, first post, woho!
New year, new blog! Can you feel the excitement?! Electrocuting the air around us, can you hear it buzz with agony!? Ahh, I myself can barely handle the excitement! My goodness!
2009, smashing!

May this year bring us all closer together with our loved ones, and further away from those who... well, we dont love... or really actually even like come to that.

Yours,
Philyra
(for those of you who dont know what "Philyra" means, google it you ignorant imbeciles!)