Time for another post.

*waves* hello everyone! Or no one! Which seems to be the case most days... *sigh* oh vell!

So I am back at uni- happiness! I know such a nerd right? Dont hold it against me, Im cool too. Been running around from lectures to labs to the DR (Dissection room- I like saying DR cause it sounds so bloody cool!) its been hectic, but nice hectic like I can never get a chance to dwell on the emotional emptiness, the sucky part and all like the lost bullshit in between. I like that kind of hectic, I suppose its unhealthy? Drowning yourself in everything and nothing at the same time, but then most things are unhealthy, so whatever. Wait till next week, then I really wont have ANY time! Im gonna start gyming! Woooooo! Healthy-ness! Haha! And Im going to take up so volunteer work, and gonna start going through the process of getting my drivers license! Well thats the plan anyway, if I get lazy.... Well, I will disappoint myself then.

So what have I been up to these past few weeks? LETS SEE.

There was the whole traveling around thingy during the summer, but to be fair it was only a month, with the family, it was boring in a nice way until it became annoying in a not so nice way, that ended around mid august, thankfully. Then I was back in good old Riyadh, saw some people, avoided other people, the usual really, ramadan came and went with all its graceful glory! Good times. Then september rolled in, and before I knew it me and my brother were on a plane back to Eggland and a train back to Sheff-town! And here I am on my bed on a friday night with tissues everywhere because I have a flu! FRESHERS FLU! Well.. okay, maybe not freshers flu cause its already mid-oct, INNIT!? Lol. Some chavyness is exactly what this post was missing!

I've got some errands to run, gotta buy some stuff for the apt (glasses.. etc), canvas, a bong for Robert, a little one! Headphones for Alson annnnnnnddddd gotta slap some sense into a certain boy :D!

That is all for now, please keep refreshing for further updates, or not. Your choice Habibi! ;p

Away without the words,

There are some things I'd like to say,

Because you see, these words are wasting away,

In the night I stay awake, with thoughts of you all gone astray,

And these words... Their still wasting away as I think of you.

They say,

"Roses are red,

violets are blue."

Stupid love poems, they just wont do... Not for you.

More ridiculous bullshit, from even more retarded folk.

CAUTION: Very dark post, in an even darker mood.

- I must have a sign that says "Go ahead, walk all over me." I mean some people and their crap, always throwing it your way, you know. How they never call unless they want something or they put you on "limited profile" on facebook, or they remove you all together I mean- LAME! or hell they never so much as say hello for 3 months! When you use to spend all day with them! JUST BECAUSE IM A NICE PERSON IT DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN USE AND THROW AWAY WHENEVER YOU FUCKING FEEL LIKE IT! - End rant.

-I dont trust people who throw around the word "I love you" do you? I dont know, sounds like fake emotions to me. Pfft love, its a state of mind you throw yourself into willingly, kinda like getting high, at least when you sober up you can tell reality from illusion and when your being mind fucked, however willingly.


- If the greater good voted for love id vote for hate, fuck the greater good who are they to judge what is good. What if the greater good was to kill a bunch of orphans, their such a burden anyway, what if the "greater good" was just to get rid of them all. Save some money, some food, shit loads of whining and messed up adults. Does the greater "good" then become "evil"? Conclusion: We are the greater good therefore we are evil. Every man to himself right? How bout every 1000 or so selfish human beings to themselves, the orphans are fucked.

Genes?

What if we were genetically predispositioned to become our parents? Like some of us are predisposition with heart disease? Or type II diabetes? Under the right circumstances, if we dont work to change our "lifestyle" you could turn into your parents.
What if the reason history keeps repeating itself was not a failure to learn but an inability to change? If history keeps repeating itself, does history then cease to exist? Does our past become our future, more or less?

Most of your life, every decision you ever made or didn't make every action that drove you to be something better, every action you took or decided not to take, everything you are, everything that made you into who you are was already planned out within you, in those double-helixed little segments, within every cell, was a blue print of who you were meant to be just like it contained a blue print of what your suppose to look like and how you're meant to function, and no matter how much you tried to be someone else, you just couldn’t, because your "hard wired" that way. All those little bits of double helixed DNA wrapped up- commanding a life form.

Nothing becomes humanity, we are not special, and we are not unique, were not like bloody little snowflakes. We are just different versions of our parents, like they were a different version of their parents, none of us are original; humanity is not original. Everything is just "a copy of a copy of a copy" within and insomniac's reality, sad really.

Then there are those geniuses, those guys are just a genetic mutation, they were never meant to happen. They say all genius is crazy, their right. History is proof, Pythagoras the mathematical genius created his own religion where beans were the devil, yep, normal edible beans. They say Michelangelo the great artist had autism, John Nash another mathematician and a noble prize winner had schizophrenia.
Seems to become great, you have to be a little dysfunctional and insane.

Ultimate blue.

Lost between these shades of blue, and your eyes. Endless, free, and heartless.
Heres your life, watch it all flash in front of you.. everything you made, everything you stole, everything you loved and everything you hated. Everything... Nothing. Watch it all crash and burn, in the endless blue of the ocean.

Lost, forever out of reach.

And I dont know where it starts or if it ends, losing the threads of reality within your light. Where does it end? Does it end? Did it ever begin?


"If the world isn't turning,
Your heart won't return
Anyone, anything, anyhow
So take me don't leave me,
Baby, love will come through it's just waiting for you,
Well I stand at the crossroads,
Of highroads and lowroads,
And I got a feeling it's right..."

(double click to enlarge) 

"Consult not your fears but your hopes and your dreams. Think not about your frustrations, but about your unfulfilled potential. Concern yourself not with what you tried and failed in, but with what it is still possible for you to do."  - Pope John XXIII

Confessions of an insomniac.

- Im still bitter and I hate them all. Fuck forgiveness and good grace and being the fucking better person. I HATE THEM. There I said it: I hate their fucking guts and I dont even bloody care if they all just DIE suddenly. A7SAN.

- Im dreading next year cause I think I'll fail. 

- You know when I told you I loved you, I think I was slightly delusional. I dont know why I said it- Plead temporary insanity. 

- I ate your last cookie when you werent looking.

- I hate your fucking guts.

- I say I dont care, I say it all the time. I say it to myself, to the walls, to the sky, I say I dont care I scream it to myself and to the world: I DONT CARE. In the hope that repeating the statement will make it true.

- I want to keep you forever. 

- For once Im afraid of showing someone who I am, Im afraid they wont like it and that I'll lose them.

- Some days I want to cry and I dont even know why.

- Today you touched my arm and I swear I recoiled with actual fear for no reason at all.

- I hate summer vacations.